Carly Brain Release-Breaking My Silence
*taps mic* Hello? Is this thing on?
After months of silence, I've decided to write something. This is completely off the top and hasn't been picked and prodded by me like most of my previous posts. I felt the urge to say something regarding my absence while laying in bed sick and avoiding other tasks... I put the site on the back burner because:
1) Life was coming at me fast. Really fast. I needed to get my bearings. Between working at a job that I utterly LOATHE and picking up a second job to gain food management experience for my dietetic internship (plus earn some extra coins), I am exhausted. During this time, I've also been networking, #blackgirlmagic-ing, dating, etc. etc. etc. I've met some amazing people who are doing some really dope ish. I want to remain in that space of innovation and creativity with them! (Hang with cool people doing cool things, you too, can do cool things. That's my logic.) They seem to get it. The hustle. The grind. The sacrifice. However, being surrounded by people who 'seem' to be juggling this thing called life well forces me to put pressure on myself. The pressure is necessary, but also stifling. I haven't unlocked my "Carly- The awesome task manager extraordinaire of her own life" cheat code yet. So now I'm frustrated and ready toss myself on the floor in Target or some regularly patronized retail store next to the pissed off toddlers missing their cartoons while shopping with their parents.
2) I hate writing. This probably should be #1. I hate writing with every ounce of my being because I critique every word as they hit the page. "Does that make sense? Will they get it? Is anyone even reading? Do they care? I hope I'm not pissing anyone off... Why should I bother?" I judge the crap out of my own work because I see so much of the stuff that hits the 'net these days and I shake my head. Then again, I shouldn't care because they're still writing regardless of my thoughts and opinions on their work and will probably make a living doing mediocre work before I can get a clear thought out on a page. This is probably where some positive affirmations would come into play and do their reverse psychology trickery that they do, but my self-esteem in this department is going to need more work than a bunch "You are an AMAZING writer" statements repeated several times a day for several weeks/months/years. Then again, it wouldn't hurt.
3) Going back to school. Again. Enough said.
Let me go back to 2) real quick-the trap of the inspired procrastinator (just made that up. It sounds good and sounds like me). I'm inspired to do so many lofty, brilliant things. I start because the urgency to do something is often overwhelming and compelling enough to at least attempt to make magic happen and then I hit a roadblock. A roadblock for a procrastinator like me is probably the worst thing that can happen. I get stuck and I have no idea how to un-stick myself. When I finally have that "ah ha!" moment, it's too late. I gave up on the idea altogether or started some other "brilliant" plan. Until the next roadblock and the vicious cycle continues.
Although I haven't posted on the site in a while, I haven't given up on it. A huge victory for me! I genuinely believe in the #fitinspirehealth movement. It keeps me up at night. It forces me to think. It motivates me to create. It brings me joy. These are more than enough reasons for me to navigate around, up, over, under, and through whatever roadblocks are up ahead (or currently in front of me).
The overcoming of roadblocks is where the inspiration lies. No one is inspired by how you were defeated, but how you maneuvered through impending defeat and made it your bitch! (I couldn't think of any thing less 'colorful' to say. Sorry, not sorry).